Filch's Cat
by SalamanderLights
Summary: ONESHOT. What is Fred up to now? And why is Hermione with him behind the shiny hiding instrument? "Who's there?" "Mrs freaking Norris, you pansy, who else would it be?"


Disclaimer - JK owns all.

"Mrs Norris" the gruff voice of Argus Filch called as he traversed the winding corridors of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry "where are you my sweet?"

"Over here" a voice called.

It was nearing midnight and the moon was full, casting a faint glow through the windows of the fourth floor. A glow that passed right through the bodies of one Miss Hermione Granger and Mr Fred Weasley who were situated behind a suit of armour.

"Mrs Norris?" they heard the caretaker call out again, this time obviously confused. "Who's up here? And what have you done with my cat!"

Hermione stifled a giggle as she looked at her partner in crime under Harry's borrowed invisibility cloak. She was loathed to admit it but Fred had tricked her into coming to annoy Filch with him today. She still wasn't entirely sure how...

"I am your cat, you chump" Fred called out. "And I would a very much appreciate a bath once in a while! Have you _seen_ my coat recently? No wonder the students don't pet me."

"Who's there?"

"Mrs freaking Norris, you pansy, who else would it be?"

"My sweet, you can talk?"

"No, I'm singing!" Fred called out sarcastically before placing his hand over Hermione's mouth. The girl looked as if she were going to pop at any moment and give away their hiding place. "Animals are always able to talk on a full moon, it's our one chance to tell you what's wrong with our lives!"

"You really shouldn't be doing this Fred" she whispered to him "the man looks like he's about to faint."

"Well I don't see you stopping me" he said in reply, his voice also deeply hushed. "And it's worth it just for the look on his face, he really thinks his cat is talking!"

"As if you'd listen to me anyway" she huffed.

"I'm sure you could persuade me Hermione" he winked at her before turning his attention back to the crazed looking man in the middle of the corridor, just feet from their suit of armour. "Are you going to stand there all day? Or come and look for me! My tail's stuck in a cupboard door! This is exactly the reason I need to be able to talk..."

"I see what you did there" Hermione whispered to him, her lips just gently brushing over his ear.

"And what would that be?" he breathed, entranced by the curly haired girls proximity.

"Say the cat's trapped in the cupboard on the _other_ side of the hall so that he won't come near us."

"Oh, if only I'd thought of that" Fred mused.

"You are insufferable!" she hissed, hitting him on the arm.

Fred yelped, breaking their semi-silence.

"What was that?" the caretaker said, whipping around.

"Me!" Fred called, imitating the manky cat once more. "You trod on me, what sort of owner are you?"

"Oh my darling cat, I'm so sorry" Filch called, hobbling around the corridor "where are you, my dear? Come here and I'll make it all better…"

Fred and Hermione where gagging behind their shiny hiding instrument.

"Remind me again why I'm here?" said Hermione, thoroughly disturbed by the love that one Mr Argus Filch had for that damn cat of his.

"Because I caught you looking up spells to give my not-so-darling brother Ron better table manners?"

"Oh yeah" she blushed. "Well you can't say he doesn't need them!"

"That's true. Do you think I have impeccable table manners?"

"Yes."

"Nice hair?"

"Yes."

"Soft lips?" he breathed, looking down at the doe eyed girl next to him. He'd be damned if he said he didn't like her. She had certainly matured over the years he had known her and he had definitely started to see her in a new light after she told him and George the missing ingredient that was needed for their Canary Creams.

True, they may have tricked her into working it out and telling them, but she told them all the same.

"I- I don't know."

"Would you like to?"

"I- I-" she stuttered. She wanted to say yes, scream it with all her might but something held her back, an unknown fear of being rejected. But it was too late to reply as the redheads lips were upon hers.

Fred moved his lips slowly against Hermione's, coaxing a response from her, and respond she did. Mouths opened and tongues duelled as the pair tried to remain as silent as possibly. And keep themselves under the cloak.

"Mrs Norris!" Filch was still yelling. "Where are you? Who's got my cat?"

Breaking apart for air they gasped quietly.

"Wow" Hermione breathed. "That- you-"

"I'm glad you enjoyed me" Fred winked at her.

"Insufferable. Just one thing though" she said "where exactly _is_ Filch's cat?"


End file.
